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WWE Wrestlemania 28 Preview

John Cena

I can see you John Cena. You're right there in the jean shorts.

I haven’t watched wrestling religiously in about 15 years, back before the WWF with the Panda logo (World Wildlife Federation) forced the WWF with spandex clad men to change their name to the WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment). When “Superstars” like Stone Cold, The Rock, Triple H and Shawn Michaels ruled the “Attitude Era.” Just like any other soap opera, you can miss 15 years, tune in and shockingly, almost all the same characters are still there! The WWE is no different, but for some reason, I’m actually excited for Wrestlemania 28? I know it’s fake, I mean the WWE doesn’t even call it wrestling anymore, they call it “Sports Entertainment.” Nonetheless, I’m not only compelled to commit my Sunday evening and $55 bucks to this fake sport, I chose to write about it.

So here is my “I haven’t watched much wrestling in awhile Wrestlemania 28 preview.”

The Rock vs. John Cena

This is the main event of the evening, I probably owe Bruce Buffer (UFC announcer) for using his line there. This match has been in the works for a year, since WM 27 where The Rock as “Special Referee”  double crossed John Cena. This is the same Rock who was one of the big stars when I watched wrestling in the late 90’s, the same Rock who is now an A-List Hollywood action star, notice I said action, which lets him off the hook for the “Tooth Fairy.”

My guess is The Rock doesn’t need the WWE and is in it just for the cash grab. His opponent John Cena is a modern day Hulk Hogan, the ultimate good guy (He has granted more Make a Wish Foundation wishes than any other celebrity) yet today’s fans have a blurred perception of the “old school” good guy vs. bad guy dynamic.

John Cena is considered a good guy, but gets almost as many boos as he gets cheers? Kids love him and all he stands for, but adults find his act boring? I know one guy who has to be a fan, WWE owner Vince McMahon. I read that John Cena is responsible for about 25% of WWE’s yearly revenue. The Rock is considered the bad guy in this match but gets cheered wildly and fans love yelling out his catch phrases like “Can You Smell (lllaaa) What the Rock… is Cooking?”

My guess is that John Cena has to win this match, it doesn’t make sense for The Rock to beat the WWE’s current top star, only to leave and head back to Hollywood. But since when does wrestling ever make sense? And Cena will be booed if he wins?

This match is the equivalent of the 2000’s Patriots (Cena) playing the 1990’s Cowboys (The Rock.) The best teams from the last 2 decades.

Triple H vs. The Undertaker

This is a rematch from WM27, where Triple H nearly defeated the Undertaker who now has a 19-0 record at Wrestlemanias. The Undertaker won last year, but was carried out on a stretcher not to return to the WWE until about 2 months ago, and supposedly has shaved/lost  his trademark long hair.

So this year, in what should be the last match (but never say never in wrestling) for the Undertaker who goes for a 20-0 record at the “Super Bowl of Wrestling.” What I love about the Undertaker’s character, is he is a throwback to when the WWE(F) had some ridiculous gimmicks, and now they are stuck with it.

The fans are to believe that this guy was working in a funeral home and decided one day, I’m going to become a wrestler, even more ridiculous, is that he went through a phase where he was the motorcycle riding “American Badass” before returning to his “Deadman” gimmick.

Triple H has been a top star for awhile now, and has wrestled a lot less recently as he is transistioning into a front office role with the WWE. He is calling this match “The End of an Era,” mainly because these guys are getting too old to be wearing their underwear in public.

Also, WWE legend and Triple H’s former DX partner Shawn Michaels (Lost to Undertaker at WM 25 & 26) is the “Special Guest Referee.” This has double cross written all over it beacuse Shawn doesn’t want to see Triple H do what he couldn’t and beat the Undertaker.

The Undertaker will move to 20-0 at WM and if we are lucky maybe we will get an appearance by his former manager, Paul Bearer. Oh and I almost forgot, this match will be a “Hell in a Cell” match, that means there is a cage around the ring with a roof on the top, in other words there will be pain and there will be blood!

This match is the equivalent of the current day Celtics (Undertaker) vs. current day Spurs (Triple H.) Two teams who are past their prime, who look slow and old on most nights, but occasionly remind you why they use to be “The Best” (Around!) (Karate Kid reference)

Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk (WWE Title)

The fact that this championship match isn’t even a co-main event doesn’t make it look like the title is worth much? I mean 3 of the 4 wrestlers in above matches aren’t even full time characters. Even here we have Chirs Jericho, another star of yesterday has returned to take on the self proclaimed “Best Wrestler in the World” CM Punk.

Punk’s gimmick is that he is “straight edge” (no drinking or drugs)(Guess he will never be on the podcast) and that he rejects authority (Maybe he could be on the podcast after all.) He has become wildly popular over the last year after he basically lived out the working man’s dream and told off his boss on tv.

One interesting thing about CM Punk is he is not the steroided, tanned and oiled freak you would expect, in fact he is covered with tattoos and looks like he is allergic to the gym.

Chris Jericho, was busy Dancing with the Stars and hosting a game show, “Down Fall” (You don’t remember it either? It was on ABC for like 2 weeks.) Then Jericho came back to the WWE and wouldn’t say anything for weeks and fans still cheered him. I still don’t get the modern day fan. Needless to say, this will likely be the most technical match of the show. Since Jericho is a part time guy, I think CM Punk will retain the belt.

This match is what happens when you take the love child of Tim Tebow and Dennis Rodman (CM Punk) vs.(Jericho) the super obnoxious, self centered Alex Rodriguez or Lebron James (pick your favorite D-Bag.)

Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan (Heavyweight Title)

First off you read that right, there are 2 championships that are considered to be equivalent, 1 for Monday Night Raw (WWE) and 1 for Friday Night Smackdown (Heavyweight.) Ironically, champion Daniel Bryan is not a real Heavyweight, he would be lucky to weigh 200 lbs if he put a few rolls of quarters in his pockets (What do you mean tights don’t have pockets?)

This guy keeps beating these monsters, double his size? He seems to be inspired by Tony Robbins, as he annoyingly yells out “Yes, Yes, Yes.” His opponent is, “The Great White” Sheamus, this guy is huge and in a real fight would beat Bryan within a minute, but this is Sports Entertainment where size doesn’t matter anymore.

Sheamus is a 6 foot 4 inch, super pale, Irish Ginger. He looks like he hasn’t been allowed in the sun in years. Dude, WM28 is in Miami, go to the beach! Sheamus had one of the top two belts at WM26, then wasn’t even on the card for WM27. Honestly I don’t care who wins this match, I’ll pick Sheamus.

This match is like setting up a 1 on 1 with the boring PG Steve Blake (Bryan) vs. the even more boring C Brian Scalabrine (Sheamus) This is the match to take a nap, drop a deuce or watch paint peel.

Wrestlemania is supposed to be the biggest event of the year (Didn’t the year just start?) Sometimes WWE uses this event to have injured wrestlers return (Rey Mysterio?) or other surprise appearances (Brock Lesnar? Batista?)  Anyway, I have decided its worth the watch this year, let me know what you think; leave a comment, or hit me up on the Twitter @T_Roos.

Photo by Marc.Benton