Pitching Peyton Manning: Titans, Cardinals, Broncos, & Dolphins State their Case
NFL executives have been preparing their pitches to Peyton Manning all week. I’m willing to bet they even through together a few powerpoints. This is no joke. Who would’ve thought two years ago that Peyton Manning would walk the streets as a completely unrestricted free agent? Unthinkable. This is one of the best QBs ever and he could be all yours. That’s pressure.
All these execs are hustling to find all the right things to say and buttons to push to get the surefire Hall of Famer to don their threads. We got a mic in the front office of a few teams and here’s what they may or may not have said to Peyton.
We know you love to be the boss. Our coach is in his 2nd year, and he’s willing to defer to you completely on play-calling and skill position personnel. In fact, Mike Munchak’s specialty is offensive line and he’s the best, as evidenced by his induction into the Hall of Fame for his 12 years at left guard for the Oilers, and the mere 24 sacks we gave up last year.
We’ll bring in whoever you want for receivers. Reggie Wayne? Done. Randy Moss? No problem. He was here two years ago. We have Chris Johnson, which certainly takes the pressure off you and slows down the pass rush.
You get to stay in the same division with teams you already know so well. Our division keeps you from having to play the Patriots or Steelers twice a year. You get to go back to Indy twice a year and play in front of all your old fans.
You’ve already got a lot of fans here in Tennessee from your college days, we will get some orange jerseys, put a checkerboard pattern in the endzones, and make you the all the time winningest QB Tennessee has ever seen.
You’ll be the king of Tennessee. A veritable football Elvis without the drugs, booze, and fat.
We got Larry Fitzgerald. We play in a dome. No other team can offer you those two critical factors to your success. Coach Whisenhunt is an offensive genius that gets his team to the Super Bowl when he’s got a QB that can play. He won the Super Bowl with a 2nd year QB as offensive coordinator for the Steelers in 2005. Imagine what you two could accomplish together.
We’re happy to bring in Reggie Wayne, and anyone else you want us to sign.
One quarter of your season will be played against the Rams and Seahawks; that should help ease you back into live action.
The weather is nice and warm here and that’s good for those aging joints.
You’ll be the king of Arizona!
You won’t find a more passionate fan base than here in Denver. We’re prepared to ship Tim Tebow off to Jacksonville should you sign with us. We’ll turn around and use those draft picks to get you a great, young wide receiver. We know you make all your receivers look like Hall of Famers anyway.
John Fox is an experienced coach who knows how to win. He turned a 4-12 team into a Super Bowl contender in one year.
The weather is great here for most of the season. You will play Kansas City and Oakland a total of four times a year. You will throw to Demaryius Thomas and Reggie Wayne.
We’re going to bring in Rockies first baseman Todd Helton to back you up just like he did in college.
You’ll be 3rd only to John Elway and Tim Tebow in the hearts of Broncos fans!
Great weather. Hot sports scene with the Miami Thrice next door. No matter what you do, you’ll never be the biggest goat in town with LeBron around. Escape to the Caribbean at the drop of a hat. Our ownership is committed to making the Dolphins the hippest team in the NFL. Gloria Estefan is an owner. You like beer? Landshark Stadium baby! Ozzie Guillen! White sand beaches! Brandon Marshall! Jake Long’s got your blind side locked down!
Miami is the new destination for relocating superstar athletes. Florida is also the hot retirement spot, so when you hang ‘em up in three years, you’ll already be home.
We know sometimes you get a little frowny and sad when things aren’t going your way in the game, but all the extra vitamin D you’ll get down here is sure to perk you up. You will finally be able to get a tan!
Look, we know you’ll have to play the Patriots twice a year, but you also get to play the Jets and Bills.
You’ll be the new Jack “Cap” Rooney! (a beer for the first person to get this reference in the comments).
@T_Roos also contributed to this article.
Photo by bradjward.
Latest posts by William Wallis (see all)
- Sports Pod: Patriots, Super Bowl 47 Prop Bets, Liverpool-Oldham & Sam Adams Chocolate Bock - January 31, 2013
- Awesome Picture of the Day: Jackie Robinson’s Birthday - January 31, 2013
- Podcast: Steve Sidwell, Longtime NFL Defensive Coordinator (Part 1) - January 29, 2013