NFL Conference Championship Dialogue: Is Tom Coughlin Still Alive?

“They” say this is the most exciting weekend of the NFL season.  How could I not post something for the “most exciting weekend” in the NFL season?  Well, I was too afraid to write anything definitively positive on the Patriots for fear of the jinx.  I’m still scarred from 2005 until now.  No team has had as many big game losses (throw in Brady’s 2008 injury as another big loss since the Pats were good enough to win it all that year) since 2005, as the Patriots.  So, all I could muster is an informal email exchange among friends (two Pats fans and a Giants fan) regarding the AFC and NFC Championship games.  If you like chronological order, read from the bottom up.

Just a few thoughts on the big day.  There’s gonna be a lot of beer, and food that looks really good because it’s so bad.  Just remember, if your team doesn’t win and you’re depressed and feeling bloated and sick, in about two weeks, you’ll be fully concerned with other meaningless endeavors – like losing money on the Super Bowl.  If your team does win, take a couple minutes and do some high-fives and flying hip checks.  Please, no chest bumps.  And remember, this feeling doesn’t come along very often.  Embrace it to the fullest extent of the law.

Play like a champion today.

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William Wallis wrote:

Wow. This is top notch shit here. Ok if Cruz is honoring his mother we’ll give him a break. Unfortunately he’s honoring his mother by doing an only slightly original TD dance so it looks like he’s just being a d-bag. I like Gronk just going with the old school spike.Sent from my Phone

On Jan 21, 2012, at 6:27 PM, Jimmy Jam wrote:

Honey Badger doesn’t give a shit!

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On Jan 21, 2012 6:14 PM, Tony Roos wrote:

I like the Eli analyses, on 3rd and 4th down he goes all Honey Badger and takes what he wants, and if he doesn’t get what he wants he gives a Aw Shucks face and blames someone else!

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Date: Sat, 21 Jan 2012 18:12:17 -0500

Subject: RE: Championship Weekend Email Exchange

From: Jimmy Jam

To: Tony Roos

CC: Drew ; Jimmy K; Anthony A; E Platz; Chris Testa; Stevinho; William Wallis

I like the salsa dance. Cruz said he does it to honor his mother.  +1 on the Russo report on Coughlin’s death in 2008.  Does anyone throw a prayer pass better than Eli? On 1st and 2nd down, I’ll take Peyton- on 3rd and 4th I want Eli and his blind faith.

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On Jan 21, 2012 6:04 PM, “Tony Roos”  wrote:

Bill,

Keep in mind the real Tom Coughlin died of hypothermia in Green Bay in 2008, this one is a robot programmed by EA sports using Coughlin’s coaching tendencies, but they they haven’t adjusted his AI since 2009, hence why he can’t handle some of the new game plans other teams come up with these days.

Eli could win 100 Super Bowls and he will NEVER be a better QB than Peyton! And don’t hate on Victor Cruz because you can’t salsa! Another thing to watch is how Brandon Jacobs runs, against the Packers last week he ran like a sissy, Jerry Rice called him soft this week, but 2 weeks ago against the Falcons, he ran like he had money on the game, or at least was in a Last Boy Scout situation, so thats the Jacobs I hope shows up in SF.

Tony

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Date: Sat, 21 Jan 2012 14:16:47 -0800

From: William Wallis

Subject: Championship Weekend Email Exchange

To: Tony Roos

CC: Jimmy Jam; Drew ; Jimmy K; Anthony A; E Platz; Chris Testa; Stevinho

Yo,

Trying to scrape some content together for the site for tomorrow morning.  I haven’t written due to fear of jinxing the Pats and lack of motivation.  Tony kicked it off with his thoughts below.

Much like last weekend, I am nervous about this Pats team.  Pretty sure I’ve been nervous about every Patriots playoff game I’ve ever watched.  My confidence in this team is still shaken from last year’s 14-2 team’s loss to a glorified 8-8 team in the Jets.  The Raven’s in some sense are the Jets but better.  Better QB, better defense, more polished and steady coach, better record by 3 games, loud-mouthed linebackers.

I could see the Pats offense coming out and being baffled by the Ravens defense.  I could see Brady forcing throws over the middle to Welker and Gronk despite getting a free 5 to 7 yards on the outside for Branch or whichever running back gets split out wide.  I could also see the Pats carrying the momentum and confidence from last week into this week and taking advantage of an injured Ed Reed and an over-aggressive Suggs/Lewis.  Truth is, I have no idea.  There’s no way to know if last week’s team shows up or the team that let the Redskins, Dolphins, and Bills get out to significant leads towards the end of the year.  If the Pats offense comes to play, I think they win.  The Patriots defense could shut down Joe Flacco and Ray Rice.  Is Todd Heap still on this team?  Could the Ravens abuse the Pats linebacker and secondary using the big, fat, white, tight end technique that the Steelers used?  I hope not.  That makes for an ugly grinding game.

On the NFC, everyone is blowing the Giants. So my gut tells me they lose.  San Fran seems to be the forgotten team here.  I’d love a rematch with the Giants, but that might be too much to take if it goes wrong.  On the brightside, at least a UMass guy is contributing greatly to the Giants’ success.  Victor Cruz has taken comfortably to the big stage and his dances piss me off as much as DoucheSean Jackson.

Ok, so, come at me mother f’ers.  Whaddya got?  Drew, your Broncos flamed out in extraordinary fashion as you predicted all year until they sucked you in the week before with the miracle over the steel mesh. Eric, you’re a Raiders fan and I include you here only because your team helped launch the Pats decade of dominance.  And to piss you off.  Jimmy and Ant, you can tell us why rooting for a soccer team that plays across an ocean and hails from a land that we declared independence from some time ago, is better than rooting for your hometown football team.

James and Steven, I think we’re probably on the same page.  Chris, you still like sports, right?

Tony, how your team looks so bad and so good within one season really is a testament to the manic-depressive demon at the helm of your squad. That Eli Manning could surpass his big bro in the category that matters most, is a testament to how poorly built the Colts were.

Warmest regards,

Bill

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From: Tony Roos

To: William Wallis

Sent: Saturday, January 21, 2012 11:45 AM

Subject: Conference Championships

Always nervous for Gmen! They have been playing well, not sure how the muddy field will effect them. I think the Giants have the better offense, but the SF Defense is sick! Last week against the Saints everytime they made a tackle it was HARD. Giants are underdogs per vegas, but seems like all the “talking heads” are picking them, I prefer them to be the underdogs.What’s your feeling on Pats tomorrow? I liked the Ravens before the playoffs started, but they looked bad last week, and the whole Ed Reed calling out Joe Flacco thing this week doesn’t seem like a good thing. Also, I just don’t see how they stop Gronk? If they cover him with a corner underneath and Ed Reed over the top Welker and Hernandez will kill them. It seems like the only way a team can have success against the Pats offense, is to pressure Brady, but that opens up a lot of big plays if you don’t get to him.

I’m thinking Pats v GMen rematch!

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Subject: Conference Championships

From: William Wallis

Date: Sat, 21 Jan 2012 11:34:18 -0500

To: Tony Roos

Thanks for heads up buddy. How u feel about your giants tomorrow?