How to Live
Live life to the fullest extent of the law.
Take it to the limit.
Don’t refer to people as rock stars.
Freely admit ignorance.
If your employer gives you a gift out of the blue for no apparent reason, you’re screwed. Except that you’re not screwed in that you will probably be free of your crappy job soon, which is good because you can start working on something you care about — unless you like your job in which case you’re screwed.
Don’t talk shit.
Don’t kick someone when they are down.
Cheer for your team, but do not be an ass.
Gamble every once in a while.
Know how to win and how to lose.
If you are watching the game at a bar in the opponent’s city, take your celebration down a notch. You don’t go to someone else’s house and celebrate wildly when something bad happens to them. Or if you do, don’t complain when you get your ass kicked.
Always be nice to people that are waiting on you regardless of how bad the service is. They handle your food and drink, and it’s just the right thing to do anyway. Working in a bar or restaurant is hard work.
Don’t double park.
Don’t trust people that ride bikes.
Don’t open things with your teeth.
Never use the term “smash mouth football” unless you are mocking people who say “smash mouth football.”
Beer before liquor never sicker. Liquor before beer your in the clear.
Wipe front to back.
Wash your hands a lot.
Vote for the smart guy.
Keep your legs together when the grass is tall.
Laugh as much as possible — it cures all.
Photo by JD Hancock
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