Dear Rob Gronkowski, Please Don’t Sue Me
Thank you for your recent email (pasted below for your convenience).
I became a huge fan of your work over the last few years.
17 touchdowns!? Over 1300 yards!? Unreal.
I remember speculating that you might be the best tight end ever to play the game. I still think you could be the best tight end ever.
I truly appreciate that you sacrificed your body to help the Patriots win games.
You might be the most captivating and entertaining Patriots player ever — on and off the field. Brady could challenge you, but his off the field antics involve too many lady sweaters and water slides.
We understand that you think this t-shirt depicts your likeness and infringes your trademarks. You have to protect your bottom line. I get it.
I don’t believe that the t-shirt infringes on your likeness or trademarks. “SuperGronk” is not listed in your trademarks. The web page explicitly states that this is not depicting or in anyway related to Rob Gronkowski. The image on the t-shirt is merely a generic football player.
Regardless, I understand that you think people may believe that this is you, Rob, and that you should get all proceeds from any use of your likeness. I see that point.
So, here’s my offer, in an effort to find a solution that promotes our common interests. I will take this t-shirt and all associated content off this website in exchange for Rob Gronkowski playing in a Patriots game this season.
We made these t-shirts to celebrate a seemingly superhuman (albeit fictional) football player. People that love the idea of a superhuman football player enjoyed this t-shirt. Recent studies and performances now prove that there is no superhuman football player. Just human.
So, Rob, it’s up to you. Play in a game and this t-shirt disappears.
Oh, and please don’t sue me. We do have a lawyer on staff, but he hates going to court. Also, we have made exactly $0 off this t-shirt. It has served primarily as a giveaway for our fans and for fans of the former idea of the superhuman football player.
Thanks and good luck with your recovery.
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