2012 NFL Mock Draft: 1st Round Apr24

2012 NFL Mock Draft: 1st Round

Just to clarify, this is who I think will be taken, not necessarily who I think should be taken, although in many cases it was actually both.  Also, I’m not taking into account potential trades or anything zany like that.  Now let’s mock: 1) Colts – Andrew Luck, QB Pretty much a lock, and by “pretty much” I just mean “is.”  The only suspense here will revolve around whatever Jim Irsay decides to tweet at the time of the pick, and the subsequent quest by the media to discover how much those 140 characters managed to damage the wacky owner’s relationship with his newest employee.  All tweets aside, Luck really...

NBA MVP (…WXYZ): The MVP of MVP Awards Apr17

NBA MVP (…WXYZ): The MVP of MVP Awards

As far as Most Valuable Player awards go, the NBA clearly takes the cake. It takes the cake, and the cookies, and the peanut brittle, and whatever other desserts might be around to nab… I don’t know, maybe some crème brule fruit cups, or something?  A little custard pie?  Use your fucking imagination. Really, though – none of the other MVP awards compare.  The NFL?  Pffff!  Come on.  Wake me up next time it’s not a quarterback.  Odds are I’ll probably be awake already when it happens, but I guess just wait till I pass out and then wake me back up again.  I know Tazmanian Tomlinson won as recently as 2006, but I’d be...

MLB: American League Preview – Looking into the Crystal [Base]ball Apr02

MLB: American League Preview – Looking into ...

The signs of spring are in the air – the buds are blooming, the birds and the bees are having interspecies sex with each other for some reason, the bears are emerging from their dens to warn people about the risk of brushfires, and baseball is back in session for another marathon season. This can only mean one thing: cowboy up, strap on your cup and pack your lip full’a chew, cause it’s time for a goddamn MLB preview!  I’ll peer into my crystal (base)ball and break down the American League division by division, and I won’t rest until every single division is broken down to a bloody pulp – all three of them!  Not even if it...

NBA Rankings: This Isn’t Your Father’s NBA Power Rankings Mar28

NBA Rankings: This Isn’t Your Father’s...

Everybody else calls their rankings “Power Rankings,” which sounds to me like something used to judge the efficiency of electrical plants or some shit.  To separate myself from the pack a little, I figured I’d forego using the term “power” in my rankings for any reason, considering that we never actually ever use it in natural conversation about sports. ‘Oh the Bulls are pretty good, but the Heat are a way more powerful team.’  Like… no, shut the fuck up.  Unfortunately, it sounds too weird to just call them the “Rankings” with nothing in front of it, so I’m calling them the Blank Rankings.  Feel...

Tim Tebow’s Top 10 Job Opportunities Mar21

Tim Tebow’s Top 10 Job Opportunities

Without any ado, here are the top ten job opportunities for the recently displaced Timmy Tebow:   1. Starting QB for Jacksonville Jaguars This just makes too much sense. Not as much sense as it would have made for Jacksonville to just draft Tebow in the first place, but it’s the next best thing. The Jaguars have, statistically, one of the worst incumbent quarterbacks in the league in Blaine Gabbert, so there’s that, for starters. As if that weren’t enough of a reason in itself (and it probably is), the epicenter of the fanboy shitstorm that surrounds Tim Tebow is already located in Northern Florida since Tebow attended college in...

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