Fantasy Football Drafting Guide (Non-Erotic) Aug22

Fantasy Football Drafting Guide (Non-Erotic)

“Why does this still seem like gambling to you? I mean, why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table of the World Series of Poker EVERY SINGLE YEAR? What, are they the luckiest guys in Las Vegas? It’s a skill game, Jo.” -Mike McDermott, Rounders Fantasy football is a lot like a weekly poker game: there are the guys who somehow always get “lucky” and win and the guys who get “screwed” every week and can’t believe this keeps fucking happening to them.  Right?  Thing is, even if you go into your draft blind, like most of the moronic lumps out there who manage fantasy squads, you can still build a...

NBA Mock Draft Jun27

NBA Mock Draft

The Finals are over, and professional basketball is curling up for its annual summer-long nap on a pile of money stacked up in the corner of some luxury suite somewhere.  For most people, this means the NBA is will be disappearing for the next three months, but for a select slew of diehards...

The Man, The Myth, The Manager Jun14

The Man, The Myth, The Manager

The 2012 Boston Red Sox are, for lack of a better term, fucked in the head – they’re an enigma wrapped in a riddle wrapped in a 100-year-old museum masquerading as a ballpark.  Throughout this season, they’ve gone alternately back and forth between looking like one of the best teams in AL baseball and one of the best teams in AA baseball.  If I had any idea what to think of them, I’d put a goddamn patent on it because you could bet Carl Crawford’s salary that I’d be the only one. Here’s the one hundred and seventy-three million dollar question: why?  Why are they so suicidally inconsistent?  I suppose that “Injuries,...

NBA Postseason Blank Rankings Rd. 2 May16

NBA Postseason Blank...

The first round of the playoffs was chock full of enough thick, juicy storylines to fill up even the fattest NBA fan, bringing us such unforgettable shenanigans as Rajon Rondo’s attempt to beat up a ref for his milk money, the atomic explosion of the reigning MVP’s knee joint (along with...

NBA Postseason Blank Rankings May12

NBA Postseason Blank Rankings

Playoffs?  PLAYOFFS?!  That’s right Jim Mora Senior, you crazy overreacting bastard: we’re talking playoffs – NBA playoffs, to be exact.  And what’s not to like? Ridiculously competitive play!  Frequent “I’m-tougher-than-you-bitch-but-we-both-know-neither-of-us-will-ever-throw-a-punch-so-this-is-a-waste-of-time” stare downs!  Suspiciously poor/biased refereeing!  Players refusing to make use of the little hammer to smash the glass on fire extinguishers!  Daily doses of Sir Charles on TNT babbling in circles for minutes at a time before coming around to a surprisingly poignant point!  It’s the greatest show on...

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